The importance of being you, warts & all, whilst online dating.
Thursday, July 15th, 2021
An 80% mud lover says being 100% ‘you’ – warts and all – 100% of the time is the best way to unearth someone for ‘the long haul’ whilst online dating.
Somerset-raised Bex, who found love with us in the middle of a lockdown back in January 2021, says he secret to success in online dating came in sticking to the ‘every day’; to the point of not making a big fuss of dates or going too far out of her comfort zone to impress.
Her advice is to keep things normal; simple, grounded, and true to your values.
Bex is now in a stable relationship with her Muddy Match with plans afoot for a future together, but she has spilled the beans on what went through her mind after a few years of online dating across various websites and apps before finding her soulmate whilst country life dating.
“If lockdown has taught me anything it is that I don’t want to be single forever!” she tells us. “Muddy Matches was one of the best dating sites I tried – yep, I tried a few.
“The type of guys on Muddy seemed to be more normal, down-to-earth than most of the other dating apps and websites, who seemed to be only after one thing.
Her 7 hints and tips to finding ‘the one’ on Muddy Matches range from a personal preference to swerve those with a low muddy score to connecting with someone whom your parents would approve of.
It’s refreshing honesty from the 40-something who typically pulls no punches and doesn’t suffer fools gladly.
Clothes don’t make a match
“Be Yourself.” Bex says. “Meeting someone on a first date in your regular yard gear rather than trying to get poshed up meant my muddy match saw me as I am. And I saw him in his work gear too. We were able to connect as ourselves rather going someone neither of us would have felt comfortable in, wearing clothes we’d not normally wear.
“Find someone who would get on with your parents” Bex adds, proving that age is of no relevance when it comes to getting the reassuring nod of approval from mum and dad.
“When Paul met my dad for the first time, they disappeared for hours talking farm machinery!” Bex took that as a good sign.
Appreciate the smaller things of normal life. Not grand gestures.
We often say it, but you will learn more about your bond from just settling into the rhythm of life than big, elaborate dates that attract pressure and nerves.
“Go to feed the ducks together. In the absence of being able to go on proper dates (due to the pandemic) we’ve done simple things together that have ended up being far more fun – and “real”.
For our first meeting, we went for a wander and sat socially distanced on a bench by the side of the canal. We chatted for ages about old land rovers among other things!
“Paul has taken me out on his deliveries, he’s let me loose on his ride on lawn mower a few times… we’ve done less true “dating” and more just getting on with the normal mundanities of life.
Trust virtual dating from a distance
Bex and her Muddy Match Paul are living proof that virtual dating and video calls really do work when it comes to building a connection when you can’t get about and about.
“Before we met, we did quite a few video chats and would try to plan on having our supper at the same time so we could have virtual “dinner dates” which ended up being fun and a nice way to get to know each other.
Think about the country credentials you really want.
Early on, Bex decided not to waste her time connecting with those members on low muddy scores, regardless of location or looks. Instead, she focused on a list of country life credentials that she believed to be most compatible with what she wanted out of life.
“I didn’t bother with townies; the “wannabe muddies” really can’t handle the pace!! I did have some entertaining experiences with messages from guys who were totally unsuitable.” We don’t necessarily share her sentiments, but we know some mud loving singles will be on the same wavelength.
Take the Initiative.
When it comes to finding love, don’t just wait for it to land on the welcome mat. Get active. “I messaged first. I liked the humour in his profile which wasn’t written in txt spk. I can’t remember exactly what we talked about, but it included mention of ponies and farm animals.”
Don’t rule out a change in lifestyle.
We hear from so many mud-loving singles who are more than prepared to uproot their life and undergo a lifestyle change, for the right person – and Bex is a perfect example of such open mindedness.
“I’m upping sticks to move to Paul’s smallholding where we’re renovating our home before I move.”