Ghosting – The Muddy Guide To Getting Over Ghosting
Monday, August 03rd, 2020
Muddy daters, picture the scene, if you will. You’ve made a countryside connection and had a few (very probably socially-distanced) dates. You think that things are going well; you like them and they seem to like you, you’ve felt a spark in real life, and there’s been talking of future dates and plans. Between dates you’ve been texting and then, very suddenly, nothing. The texts have dried up, there’s no invitation for another date and you literally have no idea why. This, my friends, is ghosting. It hurts, it makes you question what you thought were good dates, and it can even leave you with low self-esteem going forward. So when you’ve been ghosted, what do you do? We’ve put together the Muddy Matches 101 guide to getting over ghosting.
1. Don’t chase the date
Ghosting refers to contact being cut off, swiftly and with no explanation. To get something called ‘closure’ it would be so helpful to know why, don’t you agree? Having a reason for why your countryside date, someone you thought you could have a future with, has suddenly cut off all communication with you, would help. The instinctive thing to do is to send texts, asking if they are ok, asking what happened and wanting to know why you’re no longer in their life. But, please, please, please, try not to go down this route. Sending message after message and getting no reply will do nothing for your mental health, and can even lower it and make you feel needy. Although having an explanation would definitely help you to move on, sometimes you just have to leave it be, and try to accept the situation.
2. Try not to over-analyse previous dates and conversations
Leading straight on from point one, being ghosted with no explanation can leave you in a position where you’re questioning every date that you had and every thing that you said. It’s very easy to start wondering what you said or what you did that put them off, and even mentally punishing yourself for being, well, you. Here at Muddy Matches HQ, we believe that it’s best to accept that you are not made for this person, and you are not made for them. Yes, it’s easier said than done, but try not to overanalyse every exchange and consider changing anything about yourself based on what has happened. If this person did not like you as you are, then it is their loss. Carry on being you, and meet someone who appreciates and values every part of you.
3. The problem is them, not you
When you’re dating, you always deserve to know that someone doesn’t want to continue seeing you, rather than being cut adrift with no goodbye. Rather than placing the blame on yourself for something you may or may not have said or done, consider this: this person wasn’t courteous or polite enough to let you know that you won’t be seeing each other again. Please try not to let your self-confidence be blown. The problem is not with you.
4. Let yourself feel sad
Even if you had just a few dates, there is a lot of emotion involved. As well as excitement, enjoyment and a boost to your self-confidence, you can even start building up hopes and dreams for the future. When these are suddenly cut off, it is very natural to feel disappointed, upset and sad. Let yourself feel all the emotions. Give yourself time, and you’ll come back stronger.
5. Think about what you do want
It’s time to get real. Do you really want to be with someone where you don’t know where you stand? Who has the ability to cut off conversation and leaving you hanging? We’re guessing that the answer is a resounding ‘no’. So, take this experience and learn from it to know that when you next go dating, you’re looking for someone who is there, who communicates with you and treats you with respect.
6. Consider the positives
If you haven’t dated in a while and the ghoster was your first foray in to countryside dating, then we think that there are so many positives that you can take from this. Firstly, well done for getting yourself out there and going on a date. That’s a massive step, so take confidence from that! Secondly, not going down the route of texting many times to find out what went wrong, but accepting the situation, picking your all of these experiences mean that when you do meet the countryside match for you, you really will know that they are right for you.