10 First Message Dos and Don’ts

Friday, June 07th, 2013

Red balloons with envelopes attached

Sending a message to someone is the bread and butter of internet dating, so we have created a 10 point guide to what you should and shouldn’t do when sending your first message to someone.


Become a subscriber – To send messages through Muddy Matches you need to be a subscriber. Subscriptions cost from £18 for one month, through to £72 for a 12 months (which is the cheapest option per month).

Do go for it – Whatever you do, don’t put off sending a message just because you’re worried about the exact wording. You don’t want to miss out on meeting the man or woman of your dreams because you were worried about whether to say “I can’t bear…” or “I can’t bare…”

Do read their profile carefully – Your potential date has taken the time to write a profile, so take the time to read it through carefully before sending them a message.

Personalise each message – Having read through the person’s profile you will know something about them that will help you to personalise your message. See these examples for ideas.

Do contact everyone that you like – If may seem naughty to sending messages to more than one person at once, but it’s not like you’re two timing them. Don’t contact every single person on the website, but don’t put all your hopes on one person either.


Don’t wait for someone to contact you – That old saying ‘if you want something doing, do it yourself’ is very true when it comes to online dating. If you wait for other people to contact you, you might miss out.

Don’t scatter bomb – Don’t send the same message to everyone, you will come across like a spammer or will just look lazy. Try to write something different for each person based on what they have written and what you have in common.

Don’t be inappropriate – It’s important to be yourself, but avoid anything that could be seen as sexual, rude or in any way inappropriate in a first message.

Don’t send another message before you get a reply – If you’ve sent someone a message, wait for them to reply before sending another message. You don’t want to come across as a bunny-boiler.

Don’t give your private details away in your first message – One of the great things about using an internet dating site to chat to someone is that your contact details are protected. Stick to contacting someone through the messaging service until you know them a bit better.

Good luck and get messaging!