Dating Message Etiquette

Wednesday, April 10th, 2013

Yes written on a piece of lined paper

Sending and receiving messages is the bread and butter of online dating, but it is also the thing that most people are uncertain about, so here we have tried to answer some of the most common questions about sending messages:

I want to write to someone, what should I say? – Say ‘hello’ and write about something they have said in their profile.  For example, if they say that they love to watch cricket, you could ask which team they support. Click to see more detailed examples.

Is it OK to be contacting more than one person at once? – Yes, it’s common to message more than one person at a time and you never know how things will go at first.

Can I send the same template message to more than one person – You can, but it is nice to personalise your message to make someone feel special. You could get away with changing key words in the template message e.g. “Hi [insert name]. I really liked your profile. I see you like [insert hobby] that must keep you really busy.”

If they haven’t replied should I send another message? – In a word ‘no’. If someone doesn’t reply to your message they are probably not interested in getting in touch. If they aren’t checking their messages regularly they will feel under pressure if you send more than one message in a row.

How long should I wait before replying to a message? – Read the message, take a look at their profile, have a think about what you want to say and then reply. Don’t wait for too long before replying to someone who you are interested in as they may think that you are not interested.

I don’t fancy them, what should I say? – It’s polite to send a ‘thanks, but no thanks’ style reply if you are not interested in someone. Try not to go into too much detail about why you are not interested.

My subscription is running out, can’t I just send them my number and ask them to call me? – You could do, but it is much safer to use the messaging service on a dating site as it protects your personal details. It also looks a bit full-on to send your contact details straight away.

For more advice about messaging, click here.