When Should You Suggest Going on a Second Date?

Monday, July 23rd, 2012

Man's hand appearing from a laptop with flowers in it. Woman looking shocked at the computer.
So… you’ve arranged a first date with someone you’ve met online and it’s all going rather well, so well in fact that you would like to meet up again. How long should you wait before asking about arranging a second date? We discuss the pros and cons of each situation to help you to make up your mind.

Discuss meeting up again during your date

Pros: If you’re really keen on your date and they seem keen on you too, you might wish to ‘strike while the iron is hot’ and drop the idea of meeting up into conversation. This will confirm to your date that you’re enjoying yourself and that you’re interested in them.
Cons: Asking someone for a second date before you’ve even finished your first date can look too full on and might intimidate your date if they’re still trying to work if they like you.

Ask at the end of the date

Pros: The benefit of asking for a second date at the end of your first date is that you can gauge if it went well. It also shows your date that you are keen and takes the pressure off them if they were planning to ask you out again.
Cons: The main problem with asking at the end of your date is that it’s hard to say ‘no’ if you are face-to-face, so it might not give true reflection of what your date would say if you asked by phone or e-mail.

Send them a message the next day to say thank you and suggest another date

Pros: This option gives your date time to think, but doesn’t leave them waiting so long that they’ve already given up hope and started to justify why you wouldn’t make a perfect couple anyway. It’s also good to contact someone in writing as you can plan what you want to say.
Cons: Sending a message is less personal than speaking to someone face to face. Also, if your date lives in an area with very little mobile reception or has a habit of leaving their phone on silent, it might take them a while to respond to you.

Wait three days before contacting your date

Pros: Three days is known as ‘the magic three’ by some dating experts as it’s regarded as being long enough that you don’t look too keen, but not so long that you look rude. Also, leaving it for a few days may encourage your date to contact you instead.
Cons: Taking three days to contact someone can look like game playing and some people think that life is too short to sit around waiting to hear from someone that they like.

Wait until the other person contacts you

Pros: This option is good if you are not sure how well the date went or if you would like to go on a second date. It’s also good if you’re not keen on rejection.
Cons: Your date might be expecting you to contact them and you might end up in a stalemate situation. Also, if you are really keen to see your date again you’ll end up phone watching while you wait for your date to contact you.

The option that you choose will depend on how you feel about the other person and how well the date went. Was your date flirting with you? Did you have a lot in common? Was there a spark between you? Although we’re given the pros and cons of each option, it’s important to go with how you feel, as gut instinct is an amazing guide.

We’ll discuss whether it is a man’s responsibility to propose a date in a future article. Let us know what you think by emailing dating@muddymatches.co.uk or joining the discussion on Facebook.