What to Say in Your First Message on a Dating Site

Thursday, May 17th, 2012

Picture of an envelope with a kiss

We’re not going to lie here, sending your first message is pretty daunting; so here are some tips to help you to make the first move.

Keep it short and sweet – The most successful messages in our experience are less than five lines long. You can always send more messages if you want to know more about each other.

Flattery will get you everywhere – Everybody enjoys a compliment, but there’s a fine line between giving a friendly compliment and seeming creepy. It’s better to compliment someone’s profile than their looks as it shows that you’ve taken the time to learn more about them and aren’t objectifying them.

Tell them what you’ve got in common If you’ve found someone who shares your love of Wensleydale cheese and country fetes it’s a good idea to point out your shared interests. You could even be a bit cheeky and use the information to suggest a date, for example “There’s a great food festival in Edinburgh soon that I’m planning to head to”.

Another idea is to check out the ‘Who’s Going?’ pages on Muddy Matches to see if anyone you fancy is going to a particular event and say in your message “I spotted that you’re going to the Henley Regatta too, maybe we’ll bump into each other”.Who's going icon to link to the events page on Muddy Matches

Comments like these make it easy for someone to say “yes it would be great to meet up at the event”.

Ask them a question about what they’ve written in their profile – If they say they love going on long walks in the countryside ask them where they like to walk. This shows that you’re interested in finding out more about them and aren’t a “me, me, me” kind of person.

Remember to spell check – Spelling isn’t the easiest thing in the world, but make sure you triple check everything; especially if you’re using predictive text as it can lead to embarrassing mistakes.

DON’T WRITE IN CAPITALS ONLY Bizarrely a lot of people choose to write in only capitals in their message. Using capitals only makes it look like you’re shouting and people might think that you haven’t worked out how to remove the Caps Lock.

Don’t send contact details through straight away – When you’re in the safe confines of a dating site such as Muddy Matches you can report and block other members if you are offended by their messages. It’s much more difficult to have to change your phone number or block someone’s emails; so we recommend that you do not give out your contact details until you have got to know someone through the messaging service.

Keep your message lighthearted Your message isn’t the place to write something negative as people react better to positive introductions. However, you might be able to get away with some gentle teasing, like “I never thought I’d be contacting a [insert sports team here] supporter, but I really liked your profile.”

Don’t be disheartened if you don’t get a reply – we do encourage members to say ‘thanks, but no thanks’, but not everyone is happy sending a rejection. If you do not receive a message back or if you receive a negative response it’s important to keep trying.  In the words of Theodore Roosevelt “It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed”.

What do you like to see in a message from an admirer and what would put you off? E-mail dating@muddymatches.co.uk to let us know.