‘Hotstuff69′ – be honest, what do you think when you see that username? People may think that ‘Hotstuff69′ is a sleazy person, or just an ordinary person looking for a bit of adult fun. Whatever you first thoughts, it’s not the best username if you are looking to meet someone for a committed relationship.

What are the options for choosing a username on an online dating site?

Use your real name

On Muddy Matches, you are only allowed to use your first name or an abbreviation of it, as we feel that it’s much more natural to write “Hi Claire”, than it is to write “Hi Pinkprincess”.  You can also use your real name on other sites, but be careful not to use your full name, as it will allow people to find you outside of the safety of the dating website.

Use a nickname

If everybody knows you by your nickname, it’s a good place to start. It’s also a good opening line for a message. “So why do people call you…” Try to steer away from disgusting or degrading nicknames though as it might put people off you from the start.

Use a descriptive name

If you were to sum yourself up in two words what would they be? A name like ‘BanterFarmer’ shows that you love a bit of banter and that being a farmer is a big part of your life.

Use your fantasy band name

Ever dreamt of being a rock star? If you have done, you’ve probably thought beyond the screaming fans and the world tours, to the sensible task of creating a band name. Just don’t go down the road of naming yourself or your imaginary band after the first two things that you see, as ‘Window Curtain’ is an awful band name.

Use a name related to your passion

In advertising, one method is to make the viewer feel clever, in that they can understand something that others can’t. If you’re a huge fan of a band, a TV show, a film, a car manufacturer… basing your username around it will attract other people who share your obsession.

Avoid…

•    Sexually explicit usernames, unless you are on that kind of site.
•    Names that make you sound desperate, like ‘Forever Alone’.
•    Bragging – e.g. ‘Mr Big Biceps’
•    Using your telephone number/Twitter name/Bebo name… in your username.

Inspired by a recent success story we received about using Skype to get to know someone before meeting up, we have decided to look into the pros and cons of using Skype before you meet in person.

Pros

Cat, whose success story inspired this blog post, said that using Skype before meeting up allows you to see someone’s mannerisms before you meet, which makes going on your first date “less stressful”.

It can also be a great way to see if someone matches up to their photos, or if that 90s haircut really was due to the photo being taken in the 90s.

In terms of practicality it’s a good way to get to know each other if other commitments mean that your calendar is full for the next few months and Muddy Matches’ customer service manager Jo pointed out that “It can be a good idea if the person who you like lives far away.”

However, Jo said that people “shouldn’t feel like they have to Skype each other or talk on the phone before meeting up, as it comes down to personal preference.”

Cons

If you live in a remote area and have a slow internet connection, using a video chat service such as Skype can be an irritating experience as you will constantly be shouting “can you hear me?”, closely followed by “how about now?”

Even if you do have a good connection, it is likely that you will experience some kind of technical problem, even if that means taking 10 minutes to adjust your camera to the correct height.

Some people can also feel like you are delaying the process of meeting up by using video chat, and many may feel awkward presenting themselves in front of a camera.

Muddy Matches co-founder Lucy said: “I’d feel uncomfortable using Skype as I hate seeing myself in the bottom of the screen talking. I’d prefer to meet in person as that would allow me to see if I had chemistry with the person. I don’t think I’d be able to detect chemistry online”.

In conclusion, whether you choose to use Skype before meeting up with someone is down to personal preference. Remember to keep safety in mind when communicating with new people. Never give your phone number or email address to someone before you get to know them through a secure site.

Munir’s advice

“So once the news is delivered to you or you have just delivered the news of a break up to someone the inevitable question pops into your head. What next?

“Well, a number of thoughts will race through your head which are, ‘Have I just let someone special go?’, ‘Will I find someone who will be able to tolerate my bad habits?’,  ‘What will the next person who ends up in my life look like?’, ‘I don’t need to delete my internet history anymore……. or do I?’

“It’s a very odd time especially when you are the one that gets told that things are not going to go further. You have a whole load of energy that you’re not quite sure what to do with.

“I’m not old or experienced enough to give a piece of advice so profound it’ll change your life. What I’ll tell you is this, don’t bed hop. Reason? Well for starters you’ll break someone’s heart, for seconds, you could end up with a weirdo, for thirds, you could end up with an STD which is no fun. Use all that pent up aggression and do something positive like, work out or take up the hobby that you’d been meaning to take up but never got round to doing. Or in my case, write a book .”

Muddy Matches on breakups

•    Munir’s advice about taking up a hobby is a great way to meet new people and to help to boost your confidence.
•    Get outdoors, there’s nothing like the great outdoors to cheer you up when you are feeling low.
•    Take time to be on your own before looking for love again.
•    Make a point of doing the things that your ex didn’t like. Even the act of wearing the clothes that they hated feels like an act of rebellion.
•    When you are ready to meet someone new, remember that there are lots of great people out there who will like you for who you are. Just make sure you don’t date them all at once!

If you’ve had a wonderful first date with someone that you met online it is a huge disappointment if they don’t want to go on another date. Here are five reasons why a second date might not be on the cards:

1. There wasn’t a spark – Not wanting to meet someone again can be simply down to chemistry. We are programmed to like people who smell a certain way. So even if you find each other to be attractive on paper, there may not be an attraction when you meet. Don’t be disheartened, it doesn’t mean that your next date will feel the same way.
2. They’re not ready to date anyone yet – After a break-up it can take time to work out if you are ready to date again. A key sign that your date isn’t over their ex yet is if they mention their ex a lot in conversation without really thinking about it.
3. You came on too strong – Flattery is a wonderful thing, but if you spend ages commenting on how gorgeous or wonderful your date is, it can come across as being a bit sleazy and might make them back off. The other way to come on too strong is to start planning your future together on your first date, especially if you mention how you’d love to be married and have babies by a certain age.
4. You didn’t mind your manners – Manners are very important to some people, so it’s important to be kind and considerate on your date. As a rule, don’t use any language in front of your date that you wouldn’t be comfortable using in front of your grandma. Don’t use your mobile phone and don’t talk at 100 miles an hour without giving your date a chance to speak.
5. You seem different to your profile – If you have used old photos on your profile or told a few lies, your date will notice. Try to be as honest as possible in your profile and to use up-to-date photographs.

Find out how muddy you are

Take the How Muddy Are You? quiz to find out how ‘muddy’ you are. Lots of members also choose to comment in their profile about whether they think their ‘muddy’ rating is accurate or not. Don’t worry, we won’t get offended if you think you’re more or less ‘muddy’ than our quiz suggests.

Match your profile to your hobbies

If you found yourself ticking lots of hobbies and interests when filling in your profile, it suggests that you’re an active person who enjoys the great outdoors. However, if you’ve ticked every outdoor sport going, but then put in your profile that you like “going out or staying in” it doesn’t really support your claim. Choose a few of your favourite activities to talk about in your profile and explain how you’re involved in them. For example, are you a fair-weather cyclist or do you charge through puddles on your bike? Do you play for a sports team or love exploring the outdoors with your local rambling group?

Match your photos to what you say

It’s a fact of life that people usually get their cameras out when you’re at a wedding or a party, so it makes sense that lots of people only have photos on their profiles that have been taken indoors. It’s a good idea to add photos of you looking happy and relaxed at parties, but also try to include some ‘muddy boot’ photos where you are indulging in outdoor activities. In fact, why not get your friend to take a picture of you in your favourite mud-covered wellies to show just how muddy you are?

Thank you to Ian Calvert from The Social Piggy for explaining the importance of being consistent in your dating profile and photos.

Unfortunately money doesn’t grow on trees, so we’ve put together a guide for how to have a great date, without breaking the bank.

Go for lunch instead of dinner

Restaurants often offer lower prices for set menus during the day as it usually a quiet time for them. You can also get away with ordering less food at lunchtime, which cuts down on the cost of your date.

Cook rather than eat out

Although cooking at home isn’t recommended for a first date, it can be ideal for when you know your date a bit better. It’s much cheaper to cook at home than to go out for dinner and it shows that you are making an effort. If your culinary skills aren’t up to much, you could try our simple recipes to impress your date or head to the butchers for a ready made pie.

Free gigs

A lot of pubs and social clubs hold free gigs to encourage people to come stay for a few drinks. Take your date along and enjoy discovering the local talent. You never know, they might even go on to be the next big thing.

Bowls instead of bowling

Remember that bowls set or Frisbee that you’ve got hidden at the back of the cupboard? Take your new date to the park and have some fun and games instead of shelling out at the bowling alley.

Search for treasure

For the price of one cinema ticket, you could buy a treasure map of your local area and go exploring together on foot or by bike. You’ve even got the chance to win £1000.

Cheap ticket nights

A lot of venues offer cheaper tickets at quiet times. For example, you may find that matinees at the theatre are cheaper than evening showings. Cinemas are also cheaper off-peak and many offer special discounts on set nights, for example Orange Wednesdays.

Experience days

Discount websites such as Groupon, offer a range of interesting experience days for bargain prices such as llama walking or falconry. Your date is likely to overlook your thrifty ways if you wow them with a new experience.

Sign up to Muddy Matches today to meet rural singles.

Whether you join a niche site like Muddy Matches or a generic dating site, it’s important to avoid these common mistakes when online dating:

• Not uploading a photo – We may sound like a broken record, but it’s really important to add a photo to your profile, so that people know who they are talking to. One statistic says that men in particular are 14 times more likely to contact someone if they have a photograph on their profile.
• Uploading a really old photo – When selecting a photo to add to your profile, make sure that you choose one that has been taken within the past 12 months as an old photo can be misleading.
• Lying – While we’re on that note, it’s never a good idea to lie in your profile as you will get found out eventually!
• Writing the bare minimum – If the dating website says that you should write 200 characters for your introduction, that doesn’t mean that you should write 200 characters exactly and nothing more. Writing an especially short profile comes across as lazy.
• Writing an essay – Writing way too much is almost as bad as meeting the minimum word count. You need to reveal enough about yourself to encourage people to contact you, but not so much that there’s nothing to discuss on your first date.
• Being too choosy – We’re not suggesting that you should fancy everyone on Muddy Matches, but if you tick too many ‘must haves’ you may miss out on your perfect match.
• Being unrealistic – Don’t expect to go on a dating site and meet the love of your life within a day of joining, having not made an effort. The key to online dating is to be proactive.
• Talking about your ex – This first date faux pas is also a big no-no on your profile. Don’t list all the things that you disliked about your ex!
• Not spell-checking – When you’ve finished your profile, it’s important to read through it to check the spelling. You could also copy it into a word processing programme and run it through a spell-check.
• Not sending messages – Being on a dating site and not sending messages is a bit like going into a football match and not kicking the ball. Sending messages is the key to getting yourself a date.

You may have heard about all the no-go topics for a first date, but what are safe topics to talk about when you are getting to know each other?

Have you had a good day? – Simple, but effective, this question encourages your date to talk about what they have been up to and can be a good springboard for conversation.

Where you are – Ask you date if they’ve been to your chosen meeting spot before. If you meet in a café of a restaurant, you could talk about your favourite thing on the menu as a good ice-breaker.

What you do for a living – The most popular getting to know each other question in any situation is also good for your first date. Your date may have written about what they do for a living in their profile, but it’s still a safe topic of conversation that can lead you on to talking about other things.

Hobbies – Talking about your hobbies is a great way to see if your share similar interests, it’s also nice to see your date talking about something that they are passionate about.

Family – It may sound like a GCSE French question, but talking about a person’s family is a good way to get to know about their background.

Where did you grow up? – Whether they love or hate where they grew up, most people have something to say about their home town or village.

Music and films –Asking what their favourite films and albums are might lead to a few ‘umms’ or ‘I like all kinds of music’, but asking if they’re been to see any live music or any good films recently is always a winning topic.

What did you think of me from my profile? – When you meet with someone who you’ve met online, it’s not a good idea to spend half you date talking about online dating, but it’s interesting to know what impression your date had of you before meeting you. Also it’s very nice to hear the phrase “you look even better in person”.

What are your favourite conversation starters? Let us know on the Facebook.

Don’t be frightened of the camera – Very few people enjoy having their photo taken, but the camera really can’t hurt you (unless you fall over it). If you’re thinking about how much you hate having your photo taken you might come across as surly in the photo.

Smile – Have you ever noticed how photographers at weddings sometimes tell jokes or make comments to get people laughing? That’s because laughing forces you to smile naturally instead of putting on a fake smile that makes you look like you are straining. A smile, even if it is forced will make you look friendly and approachable.

Blink before the photo – You might look bizarre for a few seconds, but concentrate on blinking just before your photo is taken, so that you don’t end up blinking during the photo.

Stand up straight –Good posture can make you look taller and thinner, enough said.

Pose like a pro – Remember the famous Angelina Jolie photo with her leg out that was spread around the internet, well as much as it was ridiculed, she definitely knows how to pose. The key to looking slimmer is to tilt your lower half slightly away from the camera and your upper half towards it with your hand on your hip. If you feel silly doing that, just go for a photo where you are turned slightly away from the camera.

Use good lighting – You don’t need to have a photographer’s studio to get good lighting in your photo. As a rule, try to take your photo in a well lit room or outdoors during the daytime. Avoid having the sun or another bright light directly behind you as this can make you to look washed out as the camera tries to correct the brightness.

Even if you are in a well-lit place, try the photo with a flash as with many cameras it can help to balance the lighting.

Fill the screen – Strike the balance between being so far away from the camera that you could be anyone and so close to the camera that people can see your pores. Aim to take up about 50% of the screen size, so that there is some background, but not too much.

Use a friend not a mirror – A lot of people use their phone or camera to take a picture of themself in the mirror. Although a photo like this is better than nothing it really isn’t flattering. Look for a photo that you already have taken by someone else (photos can usually be cropped) or ask a friend to take your photo.

Go to ‘My Photos‘ to add a photo to your Muddy Matches account.

Make sure you know how much it costs – Some online dating websites make it difficult to find out how much their service costs. If you can’t find it on their website, search for reviews of the website, which will often include prices.

Be wary of giving payment details for a free trial – A lot of websites offer a free trial on the proviso that you fill in your credit card details, which allows them to automatically charge you at the end of the trial period.  If you do decide to join a site that does this (which Muddy Matches doesn’t) be aware of the length of the free trial, so that you can cancel before the end of the trial if you do not wish to pay to continue. On that note…

Know the cancellation policy – When taking up a free trial make sure that you understand how to cancel your membership if you wish to. Some sites allow you to cancel your membership yourself, some allow you to cancel by email and some have a telephone number, which might prove costly.

Don’t give your details away- If you are able to send messages as part of the free trial, it may be tempting to send your mobile number or email in your first message to someone. However, this can look cheap and it is not as safe as sending a message through a dating site.

Make sure you have a full profile – If the free trial is for a limited period, make sure that you are completely happy with your profile before you activate it. It’s also a good idea to look around first and see who you would like to send messages to.

Add pictures – Pictures are a great way to draw people to your profile and are important when you put your profile up. Make sure that your photos are approved and in place before beginning a new trial.